Tears.

I am crying so hard. Have been for the last couple of hours, which happen to coincide with my reading of the last chapters of cybele_san's "If You Are Prepared." I read it last year, so I knew what was coming. Actually knowing made me cry more, and for longer.

As with all good stories, I caught so much this time that I missed the first time through. I love this author's wisdom. The relationship between Severus and Harry feels much more realistic to me than in most other fics I've read of this pairing, which is my HP OTP. Snape remains Snape through the end. He never lets up on himself or anyone else. And for all its pathos and romance, this author knows that for the relationship to work, no other character can know the details -- can know that it's a sexual union. Severus and Harry guard the world they create together diligently. And Snape never fools himself into thinking that what he's doing is anything but wrong. He's fucking a student. He's fucking a teenager. He never lets himself forget how completely he's forsaken his ethics, and that those who would condemn him for this relationship with a student are absolutely right.

I like that there's no bullshit here about it being okay because Harry's 'mature for his age.' He isn't. It's absolutely wrong. They justify it to themselves because Harry is doomed, but they still know that if anyone found out, their world would end. And for good reason. The only third party who might know is Dumbledore, but Cybele completely undermines his credibilty, so when he doesn't disapprove, so what? He makes one bad decision after another. Allowing their relationship to continue does not somehow sanctify it. No. It's still wrong.

Which makes the ending that much more painful. It's not as if Severus can share his memories with anyone. Not that he'd want to. But still.

Okay. I have to go cry some more.

Have I mentioned how much I love my HP OTP? They're so not meant to be. Ever.

Talk about guilty pleasures.